"Power. Who knew it was so damn complicated?"
After kicking the fucking shit out of the plank of wood that wished to stop you from your ventures, you move continue your barrel rolling escapade only to be stopped dead in your tracks by the one and only: pile of random shit.
Fear not! For your weeks of watching over-sized, underpaid, and ill-respected mall security cops chasing after skateboard punks have taught you one thing: how to make a ramp out of pretty much anything. Thanks, angsty adolescent teenagers who wish to rebel against society!
Putting this knowledge to good use, you make a ramp and roll that shit over and head on over to the electrical fence. You spit on the fence and watch it spark, causing you to giggle like a child easily amused. Once you are finished, you place that keg of orange juice (the apple juice kegs are in the other room, remember?) and hop over the fence to the other side.
Score one for dominant human intellect, bitches!
Once on the other side of the fence, you kick the shit out of the power box to show it who's boss, which just so happens to de-charge the electrical fence too. It's a win-win situation!
Scoping around the newly discovered area of the mine, you find a boarded up door. Hah! Violence saves the day and you enter the room. Inside you find a keg, some flares, and MOTHERFUCKINGDYNAMITE. The swelling girth of man'dom fills you whole as you bust open the keg and find gunpowder. Quickly determining that your string laced with Baxtrin should be rolled in it, you do so. Neat! You now are halfway towards a bottle-rocket.
You GTFO of there and head back out. Once more you are faced with the demonic canine of yore, who you deem shall be named Wallace. Getting your sneak on, you nervously scoot past the dog and find a keg of, not juice, but pure 100% awesome boom-maker 5000. This pleases you greatly, as you hold to your face a huge motherfucking grin whilst dragging that shit towards the hole in the wall that's about to get a lot bigger.
Lighting that shit, you take cover by a nearby box. OHP DEAD.
Fast forward 15 years, some other guy named Phillip does the same shit like in articles in 1-3 1/2 and lights that TNT again and backs further away. Good job new guy, you're awesome. Fuck that original Phillip.
Heading onward, you fall into a new mineshaft which is way more spacious and simple all-around awesomer. Realizing awesomer is not a real word, you write a letter to Webster with an argument for the definition and pocket it until you get out of there.
Checking out the place, you find giant empty things. Seriously, you have absolutely no idea what they are. Cargo storage things? Poor people houses? You're uneducated and can't figure it out.
Investigating further you come across a room with a broom. Your sexism gets the better of you and you throw that shit in a fit of rage. Lucky for you you have the aim of some baseball pitcher (you don't watch baseball so you make one up, Johnny 5-fingers or something stupid like that) and a fuse falls to the ground. Score! Now you can bribe a nerd with it for something of actual worth, when you find a nerd anyway. Some paper with morse code and stuff too, but that's stupid.
Mozying about further, you come across a radio room and steal a receiver. You never know, right? Suddenly you wonder how the hell you carry all of this stuff. Realizing thinking of anything outside of pure masculine-amazement, you ignore the thought and punch the broken radio to express this.
Heading back, you come across a dog on the otherside of the fence. GREAT! Wallace's mother was a whore and had a litter of jerk dogs who were not given enough attention when they are puppies. Poking around you find a power room with a giant hole in the corner for absolutely no reason.
So begins: Puzzle'dom!
This article covers parts five and six:
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